joeslighterlifejourney

The worst week yet

2006-09-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

Coming after my last write up of going into unchartered waters this was not what I wanted. I had a loss of 2.5lbs which if I was doing something like weightwatchers could have gotten me the slimmer of the week but on lighterlife it doesn't make me feel too good.

There are possibilities that the week I had was to blame but I don't really know. It was a stressful week but can stress really mean that we stop burning fat whilst in ketosis?
I had an interview at work on Tuesday and when I tried to make my first shake of the day realised that I had brought in to work my screw top beaker but the push on lid. Being an inventive sort of fella I thought it would be good to try just holding the top on and shaking but unfortunately the idea was not good as the contents went mostly over my desk, but luckily not over my suit.
I then thought that I may as well throw away the rest of the contents as they were just an unedible gloop. So, I went into the toilets and for some stupid reason instead of lobbing the rest of the contents down the loo I tipped it into the sink. The end result was that I blocked the sink with the gloop as it was one of those with the funny plug hole. Great start to the day.

The interview was also something else, I had timed it so that I stopped my water intake 1.5 hours beforehand as I didn't want to have to ask for a break for the loo. Problem is that they were running over an hour late which made me late for leaving work and to get something inside me as I had only water throughout the day and I had foodpacks to get through.

Anyway I managed three packs that day and loads of water which was amazing as I was out at a show that night.

Thursday was bad as I had my mates funeral but still managed the water and the packs and had loads of comments on my new size, or lack of it, and then back to Friday with the weigh-in.

It was a blip, nothing more nothing less. I will worry though if this week is the same as if I don't lose weight on the calories I am having what hope is there for normality later on.

Time will tell.

Seeya

Sailing into unknown waters

2006-09-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

Had my weigh in on Friday and now weigh in at a slim 16 stone 7lbs. I am really noticing the change now but I am also nervous more now then I was at the start of this lighterlife journey. It has taken me some thinking to get my head round why I should be feeling like this instead of really happy to have lost the amount of weight I have.
I think some of my reservations are about the fact that this is the lightest I have weighed in well over 10 years, I don't remember what it was like to be this way. Up until 5 years ago though I chose not to be lighter as I was heavily into bodybuilding and all that went with it, the crazy regimes, eating habits and supplements etc. I got married 9 years ago at 18 stone but I looked fine, really fine. In fact, one of the most hurtful things ever said regarding my weight was when I showed some work colleagues my wedding photos 18 months back and they said my wife should get a refund since the goods had depleted so much. That was hurtful but boy was it true, I know many a relationship that has broken down over such reasons and whilst we may comment that obviously the relationship was not meant to last it still did not stop people going through some immense pain.
Part of my lighterlife counselling has been to write a letter to myself and I honestly thought that this was going to be hard to do and to be fair the starting of it was difficult. But, once I had started I could have gone on forever. A difficulty came though when I was going to read it out at the group. The reason for this is that this letter was written by me to me and it spoke bluntly and pulled no punches. It spoke to me in the way that I need to be spoken to in times of prevaricating. What I was worried about was that others may be offended in what I said as some of the excuses I have used in the past are not exclusive to me and could have been used by all of us at any time. Now the fellas in my group are really nice people and I did not want to hurt them so had to explain why it was written in the way it was.
This is though, all part of the problem we have. We have a problem with honesty, not so much that we steal etc but that we don't want to hurt people and normally we put ourselves right at the top of that "Do not hurt" list. But if we really can't be honest with ourselves then basically we will always be doomed to failure and mediocrity. I got fat not because of some problem as such, I got fat because I had turned into a person who didn't plan his life, sometimes due to life pressures, and someone who couldn't be bothered to go to the hassle of doing good stuff but I am digressing now.
Why should I have fear of going into these unknown waters now? Why should I go back to where others felt more comfortable with me as I was no threat to them. Ever wonder why good looking women have fat friends? They know the husband isn't going to stray there don't they?! We have all made a good job of deluding ourselves that we are too weak to achieve or that it doesn't really matter but it does matter. Just ask any ambulanceman who is breaking his back lifting a fat carcass down the stairs because they have had a heart attack 25 years too soon.
Be brave and see what the other side can hold.

Talk soon.

Goals coming fast

2006-09-09T04:16:00.000-07:00

This is my first post for a few weeks as family life has been a bit hectic. I have now lost 1lb over three stone and I have achieved this 3 weeks early. Whilst some may think that is good, and I'm not going to start complaining, it throws you off a bit. I had it all planned out. I was going to be 17 stone by end of September not the beginning. So what do I do.

A bit of skewed thinking could make me pat myself on the back and cut myself some slack. Have a bit of grub as I'm doing so well. But is that what I really want. As I type this I am sat in a lovely black shirt and a tailored paick of black trousers (I know, all I'm missing is the Milk tray). This is an outfit which I have NEVER worn before because I was too fat to fit it. For some this would not be too important but I do not want to go through life wearing jogging bottoms or jeans with the backside draping along the floor. wearing this outfit now instead of at the end of September is my reward.

Why are goals so important to us anyway? Do we understand our goals at all or do they form a mere wishlist? How many people want to be millionaires? The thing is when you talk these people with these financial goals they do not want to be millionaires at all. They want to be financially free to enjoy life. Good holidays, decent cars etc. Now being financially free is totally different from being a millionaire, if you're outgoings were astronimical as a millionaire you could still financially struggle and that is the same as our goals we choose when it comes to weightloss.

Why do we want to be 13 or 14 stone? If you couldn't play football at 20 stone you will still be a crap footballer at 13 stone, just less sweaty and puffed out.

I have started to learn one thing from this journey and it is until I know what I really want and where I want to be I will possibly return to the dark side. I am determined not to go there and I need to make more tangible goals. Focus is important in all of this but without a true aim and a real desire it becomes just a few hard months.

The third weigh in

2006-08-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

Had my third weigh in on Friday (2 days ago) and lost another 5lbs. Pleased with the result bearing in mind that a couple of days I was slightly under with the water by about half a litre but when you are out and about there is a lack of loos.

Not finding it hard to stick with the diet but I am getting bored with the same old stuff. I took a couple of vegetable soups this week to break up the monotony but if they haven't improved since the last time I did lighterlife then they will still taste like garbish. I know that it would mean counsellors putting more finance into stock but I really cannot understand why if you are on the cambridge diet you could have something different everyday but lighterlife it is four flavours of soup, four bars, four shakes etc.

May sound like a moan and I suppose it is in so far that lighterlife costs a far sight more than the cambridge diet yet you get more choice. Even people who eat normally would get cheesed off having the same old stuff for a minimum of 100 days.

Haven't been to the gym again as not had time with days out with the kids etc but feeling good. Have to get my head round the fact that even though I have lost over 1.5 stone I still have more to go as I was a bit disappointed at the swimming pool yesterday when I looked in the mirror. God knows what I thought I was going to see but it was still a big (though slightly smaller) fella looking back at me.

Chat soon

First goal already reached.

2006-08-06T23:54:00.001-07:00

Even though it is only two weeks into my journey I have already reached my first goal. One of my goals was to be able to have a kick around with my two boys. I don't mean a kick around as I have been doing this past year where I hardly move for 20 minutes then volunteer to go in goal but one where I actually move around.

I went to the gym yesterday which was hard as most people still there recognise me from when I was properly training but the bullet had to be bitten sometime. So a 25 minute cardio session was had on the treadmill and cross trainer which got me sweating followed by a short chest/triceps workout. Having warmed myself up I went over to the park near my gym to meet up with my lads.

I had a good kickabout for about an hour and ran after the ball (slowly but a run at least) and actually turned and got over the ball without my back groaning. It is only a stone and a half roughly gone now but I felt like a new man.

Only problem is I'm getting bored with the lack of flavours available on lighterlife and don't know if the cambridgfe diet selection would suit me more.

Not giving up now though!

First goal already reached.

2006-08-06T23:54:00.000-07:00

Another 5.5lbs bites the dust

2006-08-04T15:44:00.000-07:00

Had my second weigh in yesterday and managed to shift another 5.5lbs. That means that in the space of under two weeks I have lost over a stone. It's tough but I think I can live with that. Had an interesting chat with my stand in counsellor about keep reading about people that have lost loads on lighterlife saying how easy it was.

I am glad that these people are happy with how they are now but they make it hard for others who don't find it such a breeze to give up all food. What I wonder is if they found it so easy to give up all food why did they go on lighterlife at all. I think that answer is something that must be fed to them by the marketing department.

Anyway just a short one today as I'm tired and have to work again tomorrow.

Another goal to aim for!

2006-08-02T15:43:00.000-07:00

Had a bit of a setback yesterday which knocked me a bit. Since it is the kids summer holiday I decided that it would be good to go off to Legoland for the day. We were having a great time until my eldest son, who's 8, wanted to go on the rollercoaster ride. Now I'm no fan of these but since my eldest is normally quite reluctant to try some new things I decided that we would give it a go. Why talk him out of it after all??

After queueing for the ride for 45minutes we got to the front of the line where the ride operator then measured my youngest sons height as you had to be 1.2 metres to ride on this thing. First problem, he was 1cm below that height so was not allowed to go on. His face I will never forget and if anyone can tell me what difference that cm would make please tell me. My wife took him off and I got on the ride with my eldest.

That is when it got worse. I put the seat belt on and tried to get the bar down over my belly and it wouldn't come down far enough. I even got the operator to push down on it whilst I breathed in. Nothng was gong to get this thing locked in properly and so in front of everyone I had to get off and leave the ride whilst one of the operators rode with my son. Now I have been embarrassed in the past but nothing I know comes close to how I felt then. What made it worse was that I was feeling really good about the diet as I had lost close to a stone by then.

I tell you now, I really felt like saying "Sod it!" and going off and having lunch proper with them but I couldn't. Thankfully there was a larger part of my mind saying today was one day don't screw up the rest of your life by giving in because you are upset.

Instead what I did was promise both my sons that we would come back and ride that rollercoaster when two things have happened. One, when John-Patrick has grown his centimetre and second, when I have got to my target weight.

So there we have it. I went out feeling good about how things were shaping only to have reality whack me in the face as to how long this journey may be. Whatever else that embarrassment done me a favour as with Lighterlifes help I will succeed, may not be as easy as everyone who gets interviewed says but I will get there because if I don't my boys will miss out on a lot more things with their dad and I will miss some great times of being a dad.

Talk soon

End of week one

2006-07-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

Had my first real weigh in today and whilst I was only .4lbs less than Wednesday it means that I have shifted just under 10lbs in one week. One thing that is not spoken about too much is just how hard some days can be. Yesterday I took my sons bowling in the morning, had lunch out which consisted of paninis for them and a glass of water for me and then off to the cinema in the afternoon. And what is it that kids love at the cinema? Sweets. They had some bits frm the pick-a-mix which was torture for me not because I'm some slob who can't control himself but being totally abstinent is hard.

Afetr that I had to cook dinner as my wife was working which just seemed to add to the torture. I have been good and at the end of the day only I can defeat myself which I do not plan on doing. I gave up fags in June and food in July, what is coming for August???

Take care

Josef

My drop in session

2006-07-26T15:31:00.000-07:00

Today was my drop in session and the day did not start too well. Having woken up at midday (having worked a night shift and not just a lazy bugger) I was relaxing having a soup when my wife came back home and told me her car had broken down and that the kids were down in Epsom at that we needed to arrange a hire car etc etc. Just what I needed when I woke up feeling worn out after some hot night shifts.

Any way we managed to get a hire car sorted out but it wouldn't be ready for a few hours so I got dropped off into Sutton for my lighterlife weigh-in and she went off for the kids. It was so close that just the 5 minute walk to the lighterlife place had me sweating and felt sorry for my counsellor who was also measuring me up to see just how big I was. Sorry Carolyn, rather you than me.

The measurements shocked a bit as I think I had not considered just how big I was, 48" waist, 53" chest (though when I was bodybuilding it was 51" so not a massive change but that was muscle). I always wear 40" waist trousers at work so doesn't say too much about the uniform, always thought it was cheap rubbish we wore.

Getting back to the important bit, when I stepped on the scales I was blown away with the result. I started this journey off dead on 12 stone and 4 and a half days later I had dropped 9.2lbs. I was dead chuffed. I moaned at the start of this that I was stupid to have started on a Saturday when Arsenal were playing but all the hardship of that first few days have paid off.

I am on track I think to reach my goal of 18 stone by the end of August which I don't think is too unrealistic and if I don't quite make the goal. As long as I've been good then to fail doesn't necessarily make you a failure.

Roll on the Friday weigh in and group session.

Josef

3 Days in and the headaches going.

2006-07-24T13:41:00.000-07:00

Now three days in and the headache is starting to fade and I actually feel that I have a bit more energy strangely. Unfortunately I am still going to the toilet a lot and last night got up 4 times to go as it worked its way through me.

I have my drop in session on wednesday where I will take back my caramel shakes as they are disgusting, taste very sweet and extremely artificial (which I know they are). The other stuff is tasting okay apart from the chicken soup has got a strange after taste to it and the shakes do not mix that well unless you sheke yourself stupid.

As soon as I know what my weight is on wednesday I will post again.

Til then.

Josef

A very hard start

2006-07-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Well I must blame myself for choosing a saturday to start as it has been an absolute nightmare today. Started off okay by having 2 litres of water before 11 o'clock and felt quite pleased with myself.
Unfortunately today was also the day that Dennis Bergkamp had his testimonial at our new ground and being a diehard Arsenal fan there was no way I was going to miss out.

On the way to the ground, in fact after only 15 minutes from leaving home I started to want the toilet which shouldn't have been a surprise since I never drink that much normally in a day. However, since public conveniences are obviously not wanted by people I was left to find a quiet spot to use my emergency bottle and believe me there is no room in the back of a Jag to go to the loo. To make matters worse it was thought a good idea to dig up the main road but not warn people that there was going to be work done, again people must love being stuck in jams which take almost an hour to move half a mile but believe me by the time I got my quiet spot I was in pain.

Taking my son to the game, which is normal and a highlight for me, was tough going. Along with a new ground we also have new food at the ground. A football ground with edible food surely a mistake!! My lad tucked into a gorgeous smelling pizza slice and got his chocolate bar for half time whilst I sipped more water and had no chance of using a food pack as the shaker having a lid would not be allowed into the ground for safety reasons (stupid I know).

I now have a blinding headache and feel stupid for not choosing an easier day to start. However I did not stray and have come home to a chicken soup and another litre of water.

Looking on the bright side at least the next game I go to will be when I am allowed the bars.

I have my check in on Wednesday and will post my results then. May take me longer to get to my goal as I was dead on 20 stone yesterday and not the 19.5 stone I thought I was.

The day before the storm

2006-07-20T02:55:00.000-07:00

Today is the day before I start the lighterlife journey and at this time I am chomping at the bit to get started. I have just come back from a holiday in Crete and fed up that I had to squeeze into the seat on the plane and not be able to put my tray down to eat my meal as it wouldn't get past my belly.

It hasn't always been like that though. 10 years ago I was into bodybuilding and boasted a 52 inch chest with a 34 inch waist. What happened??

I had a shoulder injury which halted my training then life just went from bad to worse with no end of grief coming my way and like a fool I comfort ate my way through it all.

I am now 5'9" and 19.5 stone. I have two young boys who want to see their dad grow up and actually be able to play football with them.

I'll let you know how it all goes.

Talk soon

Josef